It was a good day, went to my moms and kept the kids busy.
I have been reading and writing alot.
Creating theorys in my head about parenting (the crazy part of it) and marriage. Life's mottos and the odd way we tend to love, and what love has turned into. Also, tonight I wrote a poem (its not finished) about how ashamed people (christians) can twist the bible or deny 'only parts' of it, as if thats only half wrong.
None of my stuff is any good, but it feels like I'm organizing my brain :)
I havnt written in years, maybe I havnt had any time. But I think its the inspiration, of a tough marriage and seeing those around me with the same problems desipe the age or time differences. With the way my kids can drive me crazy one day and make me fall in love the next.
Not to mention I am SO confused about what I want. Van or Car, Kids or Career? When? What? How?
There are a few things I have already decided. The timing is an issue...
:: I want to go on a mission trip before I start a full time job.
:: I want to be a Surrogant for a Couple who cannot have kids
:: I want at least one more baby SOMEDAY
:: I want to finish school before I'm 30 (regardless if I work right afterward)
Anddd of Course,
I want to be debt free, have a savings and buy a home.
I have turned into a very impatient person, I want all this and some like now, but of course, the mission trip comes first, only if we get the money and I get the sitter. And what comes first, school or kids? and I cant be a surrogant until I'm done having my own kids. So who knows.
I guess I need to get a shower...
I can hear my neighbors popping fireworks...sense they look like they may be packing heat, I will just let them to it...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Honesty...tricky bugger
I'll be honest;
the last few days have kind of sucked. Nothing to excited, just long days with fussy kids and stupid fights to be followed by anxeity.
I have had chest pains sense Thursday, took medicine on friday and felt like poo all weekend.
It is Monday, my mood has not really improved.
I am not having a horrible day, I just feel sick and hot and tired. I woke up at 5am but was prepared by going to bed at 9pm last night, so whats with the lagging?
Am I getting you-know-what?
*gulp*
Depressed?
This house is so hot, the ac is always on 76 but never cools lower then 80, which is sucking up our electric bill, and the fact is a two-story does not help matters. So now we have to call with another problem. Another person coming in my house and surveying the damage. wow that sucks.
The kids have been very restless, its to hot to go out, so I just deal with it, poor babies, I'm not dealing as well as I would like.
So I was talking to one of my friends about relationships and I think I have still lowered my self worth due to my unfortionate past.
Typically, in a relationship such as my friend's friend's marriage, if a women were to cheat on her husband, her self worth would be lowered not only by herself but by her husband. So that if the husband were to cheat the wife, she would 'have to' forgive him sense she did the same thing.
But lets reverse it. If a husband were to cheat on his wife, the wife would learn to forgive (lets face it most of us have to anyway) then if the wife were to cheat on the husband, the husband would go postal...
why is that?
Why does the woman allow her self-worth to be determined by her mistakes or others opinions? And why is this justified when a man hurts that woman?
I think the bottom line is you get one life, one love, one chance. If you screw up you have another chance to make it better. As a married couple you are one, so one mistake, made by one person, counts as your one chance as a married couple, which is why its so so very important to truley forgive and move on. In my honest opinion, trust can not be earned any other way. The best way to ruin a good marriage, is to keep score.
the last few days have kind of sucked. Nothing to excited, just long days with fussy kids and stupid fights to be followed by anxeity.
I have had chest pains sense Thursday, took medicine on friday and felt like poo all weekend.
It is Monday, my mood has not really improved.
I am not having a horrible day, I just feel sick and hot and tired. I woke up at 5am but was prepared by going to bed at 9pm last night, so whats with the lagging?
Am I getting you-know-what?
*gulp*
Depressed?
This house is so hot, the ac is always on 76 but never cools lower then 80, which is sucking up our electric bill, and the fact is a two-story does not help matters. So now we have to call with another problem. Another person coming in my house and surveying the damage. wow that sucks.
The kids have been very restless, its to hot to go out, so I just deal with it, poor babies, I'm not dealing as well as I would like.
So I was talking to one of my friends about relationships and I think I have still lowered my self worth due to my unfortionate past.
Typically, in a relationship such as my friend's friend's marriage, if a women were to cheat on her husband, her self worth would be lowered not only by herself but by her husband. So that if the husband were to cheat the wife, she would 'have to' forgive him sense she did the same thing.
But lets reverse it. If a husband were to cheat on his wife, the wife would learn to forgive (lets face it most of us have to anyway) then if the wife were to cheat on the husband, the husband would go postal...
why is that?
Why does the woman allow her self-worth to be determined by her mistakes or others opinions? And why is this justified when a man hurts that woman?
I think the bottom line is you get one life, one love, one chance. If you screw up you have another chance to make it better. As a married couple you are one, so one mistake, made by one person, counts as your one chance as a married couple, which is why its so so very important to truley forgive and move on. In my honest opinion, trust can not be earned any other way. The best way to ruin a good marriage, is to keep score.
Friday, June 26, 2009
WeIrD dAy!
Today started bad, then got weird, then became great. The kids have been good today, all I can ask for really. I have one more hour til bathtime, then we go to bed.
Tomorrow is saturday, and I am babysitting, then when me and keith get off work I'm hoping to sneak a date. Nothing crazy is going on Sunday, except its the day before my dads birthday, so if anything I would like to go swimming.
People at work were ok, I seem to have been the one stressing, I ended up taking some of my anti-anxiety medicine, which I dont know if thats what helped or what, but my day took an odd turn. Then I totally lost track of time, its like I went blank. Still, looking back I cant remember what I was thinking or even why I sat staring at the wall for so long.
Weird huh? Sothen I couldnt shake the feeling I was only half here.
ANYWAY, The kids wanting a bath so I let them go swimming instead, then shanel came over with the kids and they all swam. It went well. I did th dishes and laundry so I have to admit, it worked out well..bbbuuutttt now I'm worried about my weekend! AH! 4 kids tommorrow and keith is working.
So I'm on facebook trying to fill a social hole...considering doing bath early and having my own movie night.
Tomorrow is saturday, and I am babysitting, then when me and keith get off work I'm hoping to sneak a date. Nothing crazy is going on Sunday, except its the day before my dads birthday, so if anything I would like to go swimming.
People at work were ok, I seem to have been the one stressing, I ended up taking some of my anti-anxiety medicine, which I dont know if thats what helped or what, but my day took an odd turn. Then I totally lost track of time, its like I went blank. Still, looking back I cant remember what I was thinking or even why I sat staring at the wall for so long.
Weird huh? Sothen I couldnt shake the feeling I was only half here.
ANYWAY, The kids wanting a bath so I let them go swimming instead, then shanel came over with the kids and they all swam. It went well. I did th dishes and laundry so I have to admit, it worked out well..bbbuuutttt now I'm worried about my weekend! AH! 4 kids tommorrow and keith is working.
So I'm on facebook trying to fill a social hole...considering doing bath early and having my own movie night.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sad Bad Mad Day
8:39
Today is June 25th 2009, today is the day Michael Jackson died.
I woke up this morning with the feeling it would be a bad day. Oh and it was.
Work was horrible.
My parents are fighting
My phone got turned off, the bill was crazy
the kids were horrible
even keith was in a bad mood.
and it was so hot outside to day I just felt tired and hot and sick.
I had no pateince today, it was just so horrible.
I thought of slamming on my brakes as hard as I could on the drive home...
All I want to do is sleep because I am so upset with the kids.. but then what if tomorrow is just as bad? It was such a bad day. When I finally got the kids in bed (at 8pm) I just cried.
Some days I just feel like I cant do this alone anymore. and for the first time this isnt about money, or cleaning, or my parents or friends...not even really about keith.. just the overall way my life is run. I have dedicated every waking hour to my kids, and now all i want are the hugd and kisses of reinsurament, but instead my daughter told me she didnt want to live with me anymore because I yell at kaden to much..
I do yell at him alot...he just crys so much.. all he wants me to do is hold him....he is 2 and a half but acts 18mo old.
I know for a fact this wouldnt bother me as much if I didnt have to do it alone. I know its better this way if I can just hold it together, but such a huge part of me wants to be selfish and blame it on Keith.
I know thats wrong but maybe its the apperciation thats lacking. I get that all he does is eat sleep school and work...but I have such an emotional toll, who is suppose to comfort who?
Today was just so horrible.
I just want to sit here eat my fried rice, cry and then go to sleep.
Maybe sometimes you just need to get a good cry out.
Today is June 25th 2009, today is the day Michael Jackson died.
I woke up this morning with the feeling it would be a bad day. Oh and it was.
Work was horrible.
My parents are fighting
My phone got turned off, the bill was crazy
the kids were horrible
even keith was in a bad mood.
and it was so hot outside to day I just felt tired and hot and sick.
I had no pateince today, it was just so horrible.
I thought of slamming on my brakes as hard as I could on the drive home...
All I want to do is sleep because I am so upset with the kids.. but then what if tomorrow is just as bad? It was such a bad day. When I finally got the kids in bed (at 8pm) I just cried.
Some days I just feel like I cant do this alone anymore. and for the first time this isnt about money, or cleaning, or my parents or friends...not even really about keith.. just the overall way my life is run. I have dedicated every waking hour to my kids, and now all i want are the hugd and kisses of reinsurament, but instead my daughter told me she didnt want to live with me anymore because I yell at kaden to much..
I do yell at him alot...he just crys so much.. all he wants me to do is hold him....he is 2 and a half but acts 18mo old.
I know for a fact this wouldnt bother me as much if I didnt have to do it alone. I know its better this way if I can just hold it together, but such a huge part of me wants to be selfish and blame it on Keith.
I know thats wrong but maybe its the apperciation thats lacking. I get that all he does is eat sleep school and work...but I have such an emotional toll, who is suppose to comfort who?
Today was just so horrible.
I just want to sit here eat my fried rice, cry and then go to sleep.
Maybe sometimes you just need to get a good cry out.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Living Life!
In the end family matters most
I was so upset with my parents but its hard to be upset when the one thing in this world that makes you happy is seeing your family, and seeing your kids happy with them.
They make me angry sometimes, as family tends to do. I feel left out alot, but they see me differently I suppose, perhaps because I am now on my own and doing well.
I should back them up on that, yea I am doing well, me and my husband work hard and sometimes stress but in the end were still on our two feet and in love (even though sometimes I wanna hit him with my frying pan!). Sadly, Keith is never around me, so I go to my other sort of family, and I may need them more then they need me, but maybe I should suck it up and tell my parents that every once and awhile, maybe its something they need to here.
I am writing from my moms house today, free mexican food, two huge margritas on happy hour, one hour of wal mart and two hours of swimming later, I am feeling good, happy and satisfied.
Work went well today, and I have a ton of chores to be done at home (just like every day) but today I am not stressing about getting them done, yes...today it feels like I'm living life.
The rest of my summer consist of Another camping trip, a wedding (and bachorlette oarty) two brithdays, a trip to san antonio, and a trip to the zoo is planned, plus kenzie is going to the circus next month! I have to say life is looking pretty sweet. I am waiting on the next step to kenzies adoption (Social Worker) and Keiths raise (so we can get out of debt) and even though they are both very important is hard to stress about them when I know its going to be ok. I am not sure if its the 'plan' or if its God, but I am equally content and happy with them both.
It is currently 9:59pm and I need to get my kids home.
Til next time.
I was so upset with my parents but its hard to be upset when the one thing in this world that makes you happy is seeing your family, and seeing your kids happy with them.
They make me angry sometimes, as family tends to do. I feel left out alot, but they see me differently I suppose, perhaps because I am now on my own and doing well.
I should back them up on that, yea I am doing well, me and my husband work hard and sometimes stress but in the end were still on our two feet and in love (even though sometimes I wanna hit him with my frying pan!). Sadly, Keith is never around me, so I go to my other sort of family, and I may need them more then they need me, but maybe I should suck it up and tell my parents that every once and awhile, maybe its something they need to here.
I am writing from my moms house today, free mexican food, two huge margritas on happy hour, one hour of wal mart and two hours of swimming later, I am feeling good, happy and satisfied.
Work went well today, and I have a ton of chores to be done at home (just like every day) but today I am not stressing about getting them done, yes...today it feels like I'm living life.
The rest of my summer consist of Another camping trip, a wedding (and bachorlette oarty) two brithdays, a trip to san antonio, and a trip to the zoo is planned, plus kenzie is going to the circus next month! I have to say life is looking pretty sweet. I am waiting on the next step to kenzies adoption (Social Worker) and Keiths raise (so we can get out of debt) and even though they are both very important is hard to stress about them when I know its going to be ok. I am not sure if its the 'plan' or if its God, but I am equally content and happy with them both.
It is currently 9:59pm and I need to get my kids home.
Til next time.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Meeting
The meeting went well, house was clean and smelt good, althought he only looked in mckenzies room and we sat and talked in the living room, it was over in less then 40 minutes. He is conserned about the Social worker getting her report done in time for Court. And we are so unsure about the wavier and if 'he' got it or if 'he' will sign and what not, the attorney doesnt want to dig to deep without it.
So the next step is a social worker, which if our attorney has already ordered it, will be schedule in another week or two, thats gonna be a stressful one..so I figured as long as I can keep this house in order until then it should be fine and dandy.
I didnt clean today, took a break, I wont be able to take another one cause the house is a mess already but still, it was a good day :)
I feel really tired now, I am hoping for a full nights rest. Gotta get up at 5 right now its 11pm so maybe i will get 6 hours of sleep!
So the next step is a social worker, which if our attorney has already ordered it, will be schedule in another week or two, thats gonna be a stressful one..so I figured as long as I can keep this house in order until then it should be fine and dandy.
I didnt clean today, took a break, I wont be able to take another one cause the house is a mess already but still, it was a good day :)
I feel really tired now, I am hoping for a full nights rest. Gotta get up at 5 right now its 11pm so maybe i will get 6 hours of sleep!
Monday, June 22, 2009
PICTURES!
Ok I finally have time to put pictures on here!
So all these are form this past weekend at lake somerville.
Kenzie already wants to go again, so I'm planning a trip next month.
So all these are form this past weekend at lake somerville.
Kenzie already wants to go again, so I'm planning a trip next month.
Demons and Stress
I am battling demons.
What a way to start a blog!
But its true! My own personal demons. My own issues consisting of regret, jealousy, selfishness, envy, and a little but of loathing in there.
I pray about it but it seems to be a huge test, the more I pray the harder its going to be. Like my pastor said, dont pray for patience because god will only keep testing your patience to build it up. Practice I guess. I dunno.
Anyway, I have a ton-o-stuff to do all over again before the attorney gets here. Gotta get dirty clothes together and start washing, wash dishes, clean our room, kids room, then I gotta drop the kittys off with my mom, pick the vacumm up from my aunt, vaccum, mop, then cook dinner, put the kids to bed then put away all the clothes. There is a bit of a problem...my butt seems to be stuck to my chair...
Horrible disease huh? Laziness!
The meeting is at 9am tomorrow. Good news; I have tomorrow off. Bad news; That totals me in at 16.5 hours this week and I should have had 30. Keith doesnt think we will make rent.
My stress is currently being generated by sallie mae. If you know that name then you would already be nodding your head in agreement, if you dont, then allow me to explain.
Sallie Mae is the name of the lender for my Student loans, both of them. I am a few months Over Due and they will be taking it from tax returns and income withholding before to long. Fact of the matter is I just dont have ANY extra money to give them.
Now dave ramsey would tell me to cancel cable and use the money to pay them...sooooo not happening. Sorry, but no thats no bueno. So there is less hair on my head and more hair in between my fingers due to me pulling it all out!
Otherwise, Work is great, house is great, kids are kids, not so bad, had a few fun weekends and ready to rest this weekend and do nothing. Just want to get through today and tomorrow.
I have to get in touch with someone about missing my jury duty and what I can do about it. Then I need to make time (and get the money and paperwork) to go to the courthouse and get my tags for my car (went out 12 - 08) and get a copy of our marriage cert. Fax the Marriage cert to Child support and give a copy to our bank and order checks.
One odd thing I have come to realize is I havnt seen or talked to my friends in over a month. I have a occasion here and then but I am far less involved then I use to be, both bad and good. I like the settlety of it in my life but miss the adult conversation.
I am running a fever from the sunburn right now. I am about to run to my mothers to drop of the cats and I plan to post some pictures on here from the trip. Kenzie wants to go again already, I'll have to plan some thing for 4 weeks from now.
What a way to start a blog!
But its true! My own personal demons. My own issues consisting of regret, jealousy, selfishness, envy, and a little but of loathing in there.
I pray about it but it seems to be a huge test, the more I pray the harder its going to be. Like my pastor said, dont pray for patience because god will only keep testing your patience to build it up. Practice I guess. I dunno.
Anyway, I have a ton-o-stuff to do all over again before the attorney gets here. Gotta get dirty clothes together and start washing, wash dishes, clean our room, kids room, then I gotta drop the kittys off with my mom, pick the vacumm up from my aunt, vaccum, mop, then cook dinner, put the kids to bed then put away all the clothes. There is a bit of a problem...my butt seems to be stuck to my chair...
Horrible disease huh? Laziness!
The meeting is at 9am tomorrow. Good news; I have tomorrow off. Bad news; That totals me in at 16.5 hours this week and I should have had 30. Keith doesnt think we will make rent.
My stress is currently being generated by sallie mae. If you know that name then you would already be nodding your head in agreement, if you dont, then allow me to explain.
Sallie Mae is the name of the lender for my Student loans, both of them. I am a few months Over Due and they will be taking it from tax returns and income withholding before to long. Fact of the matter is I just dont have ANY extra money to give them.
Now dave ramsey would tell me to cancel cable and use the money to pay them...sooooo not happening. Sorry, but no thats no bueno. So there is less hair on my head and more hair in between my fingers due to me pulling it all out!
Otherwise, Work is great, house is great, kids are kids, not so bad, had a few fun weekends and ready to rest this weekend and do nothing. Just want to get through today and tomorrow.
I have to get in touch with someone about missing my jury duty and what I can do about it. Then I need to make time (and get the money and paperwork) to go to the courthouse and get my tags for my car (went out 12 - 08) and get a copy of our marriage cert. Fax the Marriage cert to Child support and give a copy to our bank and order checks.
One odd thing I have come to realize is I havnt seen or talked to my friends in over a month. I have a occasion here and then but I am far less involved then I use to be, both bad and good. I like the settlety of it in my life but miss the adult conversation.
I am running a fever from the sunburn right now. I am about to run to my mothers to drop of the cats and I plan to post some pictures on here from the trip. Kenzie wants to go again already, I'll have to plan some thing for 4 weeks from now.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Yay HOME
I have come to the conclusion no one reads that, thats alright...this is more to keep me sane then to be informative, and as I write my son is using as pen as if it was a out-of-control airplane rather close to my brand new sunburn...
So I have alot to write but not alot of time to write it so I will just keep to basics and post pictures later.
First off- Thursday was all together a horrible day, kids were bad, we were stress and go figure- the attorney never showed up. His secutary called the next day trying to explain, but when the attorney called Keith he admitted he had no reason and it was his fault, (also mentioned sense keith lost OV hours at work he would take that into consideration with the bill).
I am not sure how to react, it was been re-scheduled for Tuesday in the morning, which is a much better time for us (but would have been better if it that date in the first place!)
So the next few days will be a struggle to keep the house clean...uhm...must be gods way of keeping my cleaning skills sharp...
So we (By we I mean, Me Kaden and Kenzie) left Friday morning to Somerville (after a early morning at work! Of which I got complimented by a co-worker saying I have 'come a long way'. The compliment was very apperciated)
We got there around 11am, met up with my mom and dad and went straight on the lake. Clean beach like swimming area, shaded, and less then 90 yards from out camp site. PERFECT. Water, weather, kids all very good. We basiclly swam all day and rode on the tube and boat. We didnt really explore any more of the campsite, which, if i didnt have Kaden with me I'm sure we would have done. Kaden was not only the first one to fall asleep but the last one the wake up (@8am, Kenzie would be the first @ 7am)
Needless to say I am fried crispy and the kids have a nice rosey tent to them as well. Glad to be home though.
So tomorrow is fathers day, I have not finished Keiths present because I have not had time! I'm considering leaving so I can finish it. But I would like nothing more then to take a cold shower and crawl into bed!
I will post pictures tomorrow with more details but for now I gotta feed my husband before he gets cranky. ;)
So I have alot to write but not alot of time to write it so I will just keep to basics and post pictures later.
First off- Thursday was all together a horrible day, kids were bad, we were stress and go figure- the attorney never showed up. His secutary called the next day trying to explain, but when the attorney called Keith he admitted he had no reason and it was his fault, (also mentioned sense keith lost OV hours at work he would take that into consideration with the bill).
I am not sure how to react, it was been re-scheduled for Tuesday in the morning, which is a much better time for us (but would have been better if it that date in the first place!)
So the next few days will be a struggle to keep the house clean...uhm...must be gods way of keeping my cleaning skills sharp...
So we (By we I mean, Me Kaden and Kenzie) left Friday morning to Somerville (after a early morning at work! Of which I got complimented by a co-worker saying I have 'come a long way'. The compliment was very apperciated)
We got there around 11am, met up with my mom and dad and went straight on the lake. Clean beach like swimming area, shaded, and less then 90 yards from out camp site. PERFECT. Water, weather, kids all very good. We basiclly swam all day and rode on the tube and boat. We didnt really explore any more of the campsite, which, if i didnt have Kaden with me I'm sure we would have done. Kaden was not only the first one to fall asleep but the last one the wake up (@8am, Kenzie would be the first @ 7am)
Needless to say I am fried crispy and the kids have a nice rosey tent to them as well. Glad to be home though.
So tomorrow is fathers day, I have not finished Keiths present because I have not had time! I'm considering leaving so I can finish it. But I would like nothing more then to take a cold shower and crawl into bed!
I will post pictures tomorrow with more details but for now I gotta feed my husband before he gets cranky. ;)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
AH its Thursday/Requests
12:30am
Today was long but good. Got alot done and hoping to get even more done tomorrow. Our appointment is at 6, please pray for a smooth meeting and well behaved kids for the evening!
I few prayers requests to go along with that;
- a continued speedy recovery for my boss, nini, and joy in her life.
- For Gods presents to be so strong in my friends life that she can feel his arms around her to comfort her in her time of need.
- Great blessing for my aunt nancy
- Comfort, joy and pain-free for my grandma Kay
- My church group in Africa, for safe travels and many touched hearts
- My cousin Megan, in the navy off of korea, for courage and for wisedom. And safe return home.
- For Laura and her battle with cancer, steady the hands of doctors, allow the medicine to do what it is intented to do.
- and for my husband. :) in general. I want him to be happy, I want him to succed.
and again, pray for us tomorrow. They are greatly apperciated!!!
Gnight
(p.s. Comment if you read this)
Today was long but good. Got alot done and hoping to get even more done tomorrow. Our appointment is at 6, please pray for a smooth meeting and well behaved kids for the evening!
I few prayers requests to go along with that;
- a continued speedy recovery for my boss, nini, and joy in her life.
- For Gods presents to be so strong in my friends life that she can feel his arms around her to comfort her in her time of need.
- Great blessing for my aunt nancy
- Comfort, joy and pain-free for my grandma Kay
- My church group in Africa, for safe travels and many touched hearts
- My cousin Megan, in the navy off of korea, for courage and for wisedom. And safe return home.
- For Laura and her battle with cancer, steady the hands of doctors, allow the medicine to do what it is intented to do.
- and for my husband. :) in general. I want him to be happy, I want him to succed.
and again, pray for us tomorrow. They are greatly apperciated!!!
Gnight
(p.s. Comment if you read this)
Happy :)
I keep singing oldies to myself. I need to make a list and download them on my iPod.
My house is clean! no ants, and a working dishwasher, seriously, if it wasnt for the nerves of tomorrow and the uneasy unfinished plans for this weekend I would be chillixing in my home with a extremely cheesy smile on my face. LIFE IS COMING TOGETHER!
Awesome.
But of course there is always something to do, ah the life of a wife! Men don't have to put up with this, its so unfair! Most of my blog is me explaining the cleaning process. HAHA. Oh I'm 'so interesting'
Really though, I am happy, I don't have a ton of motivation right now, and there is alot to do, I am stressed about tomorrow (Thursday, meeting @ 6 for the adoption to look at the house..etc,) but I'm also very content. Its a good feeling.
I left work early today because I threw up. I didn't feel good, so I came home to Kranky Kaden with potty issues, so I'm thinking we swapped a stomach virus. Timing could be better but at least were snug at home. And as for my cyst, its still there.
Were still waiting for Keith's raise so I can get insurance. When Keith gets his raise only one more thing needs to happen- the adoption needs to be final. I can't imagine life being any better then that and I am feeling so patient its crazy. Just enjoy life while its happening, and I like sitting back and watching something we are working hard to get to unravel, help us to keep going. If I have to pray for anything its that even after great things happen, to never lose the sense of appreciation that I feel right now, and the gratefulness I will feel when the adoption is over, or Keith gets his raise, and all the fantastic things that happen afterward.
I have to say, me and Keith took a chance, I think thats what we were suppose to do a long time ago.
I have some good people in my life to. and its sad how I let little things other people say or do or dont do get to me, but I truely have a great family which, in that case quality always wins over quantity.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOk time to put clothes away and mop and vaccum and baby proof! WOH WHO! Yeah...lol, wanna come over and help? :) its for a good cause ;)
Thats ok, I didnt think so. But yes, I will settle for your bringing over dinner!
p.s. juno- kick ass movie
My house is clean! no ants, and a working dishwasher, seriously, if it wasnt for the nerves of tomorrow and the uneasy unfinished plans for this weekend I would be chillixing in my home with a extremely cheesy smile on my face. LIFE IS COMING TOGETHER!
Awesome.
But of course there is always something to do, ah the life of a wife! Men don't have to put up with this, its so unfair! Most of my blog is me explaining the cleaning process. HAHA. Oh I'm 'so interesting'
Really though, I am happy, I don't have a ton of motivation right now, and there is alot to do, I am stressed about tomorrow (Thursday, meeting @ 6 for the adoption to look at the house..etc,) but I'm also very content. Its a good feeling.
I left work early today because I threw up. I didn't feel good, so I came home to Kranky Kaden with potty issues, so I'm thinking we swapped a stomach virus. Timing could be better but at least were snug at home. And as for my cyst, its still there.
Were still waiting for Keith's raise so I can get insurance. When Keith gets his raise only one more thing needs to happen- the adoption needs to be final. I can't imagine life being any better then that and I am feeling so patient its crazy. Just enjoy life while its happening, and I like sitting back and watching something we are working hard to get to unravel, help us to keep going. If I have to pray for anything its that even after great things happen, to never lose the sense of appreciation that I feel right now, and the gratefulness I will feel when the adoption is over, or Keith gets his raise, and all the fantastic things that happen afterward.
I have to say, me and Keith took a chance, I think thats what we were suppose to do a long time ago.
I have some good people in my life to. and its sad how I let little things other people say or do or dont do get to me, but I truely have a great family which, in that case quality always wins over quantity.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOk time to put clothes away and mop and vaccum and baby proof! WOH WHO! Yeah...lol, wanna come over and help? :) its for a good cause ;)
Thats ok, I didnt think so. But yes, I will settle for your bringing over dinner!
p.s. juno- kick ass movie
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Done Deal
9:35pm
Today went well!
The de-anting went well, except the s**t I sprayed all over the house made me sicker then a dog! So we went to my moms while it dried and I FOUND MY PHONE!!!
I came home and no ants to be found. I am purposely putting dirty clothes on the floor and leaving a sippie cup out to see if it worked, if not then ABC pest and lawn comes out tomorrow.
The kids are doing well. They had a good day to! I'm about to put them to bed and get busy with the dishes. I'm actually excited to do chores because they are not such a task anymore. I'm sure by next week I can actually have me time!
Speaking of 'me-time' I got my feelings hurt today. I really want to lose weight, and I am so out of shape its crazy. So amanda wanted to run today with mom and mom didnt seem to thrilled about it so I wanted to go. I asked mom if i can go instead and she flat out said no. So I asked dad to watch my kiddos while I run with them and he said no. How the hell am I suppose to do this alone? And how is 40/mo affordable to go to a gym when I have to pay a babysitter everytime I go? Its ridiculous. No one wants to help out of the kindness in there hearts anymore or what?
One thing is for sure I'm going to have to do this alone. I feel so dismissed. From my cousins in huntsville to my parents at home. I am not sure if Keith would help me even if he could, so like I said, I'm going to have to do this part on my own.
Still, it shouldnt have been a big shocker.
Today went well!
The de-anting went well, except the s**t I sprayed all over the house made me sicker then a dog! So we went to my moms while it dried and I FOUND MY PHONE!!!
I came home and no ants to be found. I am purposely putting dirty clothes on the floor and leaving a sippie cup out to see if it worked, if not then ABC pest and lawn comes out tomorrow.
The kids are doing well. They had a good day to! I'm about to put them to bed and get busy with the dishes. I'm actually excited to do chores because they are not such a task anymore. I'm sure by next week I can actually have me time!
Speaking of 'me-time' I got my feelings hurt today. I really want to lose weight, and I am so out of shape its crazy. So amanda wanted to run today with mom and mom didnt seem to thrilled about it so I wanted to go. I asked mom if i can go instead and she flat out said no. So I asked dad to watch my kiddos while I run with them and he said no. How the hell am I suppose to do this alone? And how is 40/mo affordable to go to a gym when I have to pay a babysitter everytime I go? Its ridiculous. No one wants to help out of the kindness in there hearts anymore or what?
One thing is for sure I'm going to have to do this alone. I feel so dismissed. From my cousins in huntsville to my parents at home. I am not sure if Keith would help me even if he could, so like I said, I'm going to have to do this part on my own.
Still, it shouldnt have been a big shocker.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Optimisim, What?
Over all today went smoothly. I didnt have to much left to do and I had absolutly fantastic news when I got home.
WE GOT A DISHWASHER!!!!
SCORE!
I'm thrilled, PLUS Clothes are washed and put away. There are closets to be cleaned and toys to be picked up but other then that my house is ready for the de-anting tomorrow. WOH WHO!
I am now STARVING! I'm thinking Spagetti something simple, so ready to cook with my new handy dandy dishwasher to help out!
I'm feeling totally optimistic about the house now, good things will come our way we just have to be patient, and God has really been present these past few days to me. They are doing clips of Dave Ramsey speaking on finincials and relations to god at church and its helped me and keith get modivated. He has a raise coming soon, dont know when but its coming...and I just keep repeating what Dave said "Live like no other, so you CAN live like NO other." That will be us and a few short years. When he gets a raise we can save money with how affordable this house is. Once we have a savings (My goal is 8,000) we can pay off our debt, which excluding the Student Loans and Car Balance is 2,500. He will be making 600 more a month then what we need after bills, so we can get our debt paid off in a few short months. I'm thinking we will have a small savings and debt-free by the time we move out of this house. We will rent another house and save for a car, then for a house. No more borrowing and only pay in cash is the idea, God gives to those who have a plan.
I formly beleive everything will be ok.
Wow the kids are being good right now. Kaden is barking like a dog and Kenzie is coloring.
There was a few sad things that happened this weekend,
Saturday was Lindas bday, we cleaned and then went over there, it was fun. But on Sunday I had planned a trip to see my cousins and didnt even get to see them, its more my fault for not having my phone (yes i lost it again) then mckenzie was really acting up after Church because she was mad at me for taking her away from 'her friend' brooke..
We use to go over Brookes house once and awhile after chruch, but me and them have had issues occur recently, so i told her Brooke moved away. So you can imagne when she saw Brooke she was happy, but all good things come to an end and she could not understand why she couldnt be with her if she was there. This wasnt my choose, so I was lost for words.
I hate it when McKenzie gets attached to other kids her act whos Parents I was friends with, or when I get attached, needless to say I pick my friends carefully.
Ok I gotta clean the closets and pick up some toys then make dinner.
WE GOT A DISHWASHER!!!!
SCORE!
I'm thrilled, PLUS Clothes are washed and put away. There are closets to be cleaned and toys to be picked up but other then that my house is ready for the de-anting tomorrow. WOH WHO!
I am now STARVING! I'm thinking Spagetti something simple, so ready to cook with my new handy dandy dishwasher to help out!
I'm feeling totally optimistic about the house now, good things will come our way we just have to be patient, and God has really been present these past few days to me. They are doing clips of Dave Ramsey speaking on finincials and relations to god at church and its helped me and keith get modivated. He has a raise coming soon, dont know when but its coming...and I just keep repeating what Dave said "Live like no other, so you CAN live like NO other." That will be us and a few short years. When he gets a raise we can save money with how affordable this house is. Once we have a savings (My goal is 8,000) we can pay off our debt, which excluding the Student Loans and Car Balance is 2,500. He will be making 600 more a month then what we need after bills, so we can get our debt paid off in a few short months. I'm thinking we will have a small savings and debt-free by the time we move out of this house. We will rent another house and save for a car, then for a house. No more borrowing and only pay in cash is the idea, God gives to those who have a plan.
I formly beleive everything will be ok.
Wow the kids are being good right now. Kaden is barking like a dog and Kenzie is coloring.
There was a few sad things that happened this weekend,
Saturday was Lindas bday, we cleaned and then went over there, it was fun. But on Sunday I had planned a trip to see my cousins and didnt even get to see them, its more my fault for not having my phone (yes i lost it again) then mckenzie was really acting up after Church because she was mad at me for taking her away from 'her friend' brooke..
We use to go over Brookes house once and awhile after chruch, but me and them have had issues occur recently, so i told her Brooke moved away. So you can imagne when she saw Brooke she was happy, but all good things come to an end and she could not understand why she couldnt be with her if she was there. This wasnt my choose, so I was lost for words.
I hate it when McKenzie gets attached to other kids her act whos Parents I was friends with, or when I get attached, needless to say I pick my friends carefully.
Ok I gotta clean the closets and pick up some toys then make dinner.
Friday, June 12, 2009
You have won the battle but I will win the war!
I have to admit, today was another off day. I am battling a few things that brought, what would have been a good day, down.
One of my cousins is in town with her husband and baby, we got to go shopping this morning, (and I got new jeans!) but I didnt feel 'light and carefree' on the contrary I felt 'Heavy and emotionally sick'. Just a odd feeling thats all, I kept a smile on my face though, afterall, I was hanging out with a cute preggo and a 13 month old baby girl. My luck with trying on jeans went smoothly, and the baby was good the whole time but I was in a rush for time.
When I got home to get the kids I had a hard time leaving again..I started thinking of money issues, I started feeling guilty that I bought pants and considered taking them back...
Then I started cleaning the house, which wasnt doing much of anything. I got a bad headache and thought I would lay down instead (then I remembered I was taking care of my grandma tonight.) So I left and ate dinner at my parents,dropped the kids off with my parents in law, took care of my grandma, picked the kids up, went back to my parents for a bit, then went home.
I came home to a whole mess of ants EVERYWHERE. They were on the TV stand in Kadens backpack, in mail. Then I found in scattered all over the dining room floor, a bunch in the utitlty room (on the dirty clothes of course, those ants are still there, I will take care of that tomorrow), I'm watching a trail right now going under my bed to lord knows what....and in Kadens room, his blanket was hanging off his bed, so they were climbing on that to, which is still distrubing me. ALSO...MY 'DARLING LOVING HUSBAND'..left his LEFTOVERS CONTAINER on the FRIGGIN FLOOR OF THE LIVING ROOM! So they were everywhere in there. Took me an hour to vaccum them all up and put the kids back to sleep. (on top of that my vaccum isnt really working right)
I dont know what to do. I have a social worker coming to check out the house this week for the adoption and I cant even make it livable for my kids, the last thing I need is some stranger coming in here telling me how unfit of a parent I am for letting my kids live in an ant farm!
So between the social worker, money issues, ants, cyst and just how tired I am! I CANNOT WAIT for 'normal' and 'boring'
and the more that is going on the less I want more kids. I will see how I feel in August, Perhaps September.
Ok, I am FINALLY crawling into bed, gotta wake up early to clean clean clean.
I totally plan on drinking tomorrow night and taking a shit load of Advil (Sorry, but thats how I feel.)
I'm out!
One of my cousins is in town with her husband and baby, we got to go shopping this morning, (and I got new jeans!) but I didnt feel 'light and carefree' on the contrary I felt 'Heavy and emotionally sick'. Just a odd feeling thats all, I kept a smile on my face though, afterall, I was hanging out with a cute preggo and a 13 month old baby girl. My luck with trying on jeans went smoothly, and the baby was good the whole time but I was in a rush for time.
When I got home to get the kids I had a hard time leaving again..I started thinking of money issues, I started feeling guilty that I bought pants and considered taking them back...
Then I started cleaning the house, which wasnt doing much of anything. I got a bad headache and thought I would lay down instead (then I remembered I was taking care of my grandma tonight.) So I left and ate dinner at my parents,dropped the kids off with my parents in law, took care of my grandma, picked the kids up, went back to my parents for a bit, then went home.
I came home to a whole mess of ants EVERYWHERE. They were on the TV stand in Kadens backpack, in mail. Then I found in scattered all over the dining room floor, a bunch in the utitlty room (on the dirty clothes of course, those ants are still there, I will take care of that tomorrow), I'm watching a trail right now going under my bed to lord knows what....and in Kadens room, his blanket was hanging off his bed, so they were climbing on that to, which is still distrubing me. ALSO...MY 'DARLING LOVING HUSBAND'..left his LEFTOVERS CONTAINER on the FRIGGIN FLOOR OF THE LIVING ROOM! So they were everywhere in there. Took me an hour to vaccum them all up and put the kids back to sleep. (on top of that my vaccum isnt really working right)
I dont know what to do. I have a social worker coming to check out the house this week for the adoption and I cant even make it livable for my kids, the last thing I need is some stranger coming in here telling me how unfit of a parent I am for letting my kids live in an ant farm!
So between the social worker, money issues, ants, cyst and just how tired I am! I CANNOT WAIT for 'normal' and 'boring'
and the more that is going on the less I want more kids. I will see how I feel in August, Perhaps September.
Ok, I am FINALLY crawling into bed, gotta wake up early to clean clean clean.
I totally plan on drinking tomorrow night and taking a shit load of Advil (Sorry, but thats how I feel.)
I'm out!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I HAD planned to go to my moms tonight...butttttttt I have a cyst.
I dont wanna be a whiny bump on a log, they have enough going on over there. I am attempting to clean my home tho..got the window open, air up, and radio on...Kaden is being my leech as always but he has been good the past 2 or 3 days so i thought i would try my luck.
I am not getting as far as I would like, I am in alot of pain :-/
I think god is telling me to remove my birth control...
soooooo not ready.
You see, I have an IUD, which causes Ovarian Cyst, which was NOT a side effect when I got it, now they call it a 'side effect' nearly 3 years later. I didnt have any issues til last year around May, ((shortly followed by anxiety, which has gotten increasly better. If something serious happens my chest will feel tight and hurt but not unless its serious, and I no longer have breathing problems.))
As for the cyst, I havnt had one and months and months. So this sucks.
I am trying to get all my clothes on my bed and clean, then put them all away in one day, thats seems like the only way to get rid of the ants on clothes. The sugar ants have been eating the clothes, so needless to say some of my cotton shirts have holes, as well as undies.
ok back to work
I dont wanna be a whiny bump on a log, they have enough going on over there. I am attempting to clean my home tho..got the window open, air up, and radio on...Kaden is being my leech as always but he has been good the past 2 or 3 days so i thought i would try my luck.
I am not getting as far as I would like, I am in alot of pain :-/
I think god is telling me to remove my birth control...
soooooo not ready.
You see, I have an IUD, which causes Ovarian Cyst, which was NOT a side effect when I got it, now they call it a 'side effect' nearly 3 years later. I didnt have any issues til last year around May, ((shortly followed by anxiety, which has gotten increasly better. If something serious happens my chest will feel tight and hurt but not unless its serious, and I no longer have breathing problems.))
As for the cyst, I havnt had one and months and months. So this sucks.
I am trying to get all my clothes on my bed and clean, then put them all away in one day, thats seems like the only way to get rid of the ants on clothes. The sugar ants have been eating the clothes, so needless to say some of my cotton shirts have holes, as well as undies.
ok back to work
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Calling it quits
Out of my to-do list I washed 2 loads of clothes, then as I proceeded to put them away I dumped the clean washed clothes from yeaterday on my bed and low-be-hold a mess of ants go scattering around...
They were clean...
I dont get it...
Two steps *pause.....*
(Kaden had a bad dream)
Like I was saying, two steps forward and 4 back.
I'm trying to control the situation but its impossible.
An old sippy cup was left on kadens floor for 5 hours, ants were covering damn near every inch...and the are also crawling up his box of out-grown clothes that are in his closet...A BOX!
So any way.. I'm going to re-wash all the clothes, stick then all on top of my bed, and pack. I'll stay at my moms til its safe to come back. I have been so patient...but any mom would take her kids from this situation (any mom, not dad)
As for the rest of my chores, alot of my time was spent vaccuming and mopping up ants. Got the car cleaned and washed.
til next time...
They were clean...
I dont get it...
Two steps *pause.....*
(Kaden had a bad dream)
Like I was saying, two steps forward and 4 back.
I'm trying to control the situation but its impossible.
An old sippy cup was left on kadens floor for 5 hours, ants were covering damn near every inch...and the are also crawling up his box of out-grown clothes that are in his closet...A BOX!
So any way.. I'm going to re-wash all the clothes, stick then all on top of my bed, and pack. I'll stay at my moms til its safe to come back. I have been so patient...but any mom would take her kids from this situation (any mom, not dad)
As for the rest of my chores, alot of my time was spent vaccuming and mopping up ants. Got the car cleaned and washed.
til next time...
To-Do
This is a short to do list, I'll see how far I got by tonight
To-Do;
Collect & Wash Laundry (at least 2 loads)
Sort clothes put in rooms for tomorrow
Clean out Car
Wash Car
FIND CHARGER!
and Neaten up our room a bit
Tomorrow;
Wash Laundry
Sort
Put away
Clean Living/Dining room
Finish cleaning our room
This week;
all laundry done
call tramco get dishwasher fixed
rasie money for exterminator
have living room and our room clean
This weekend;
Clean kids rooms
To-Do;
Collect & Wash Laundry (at least 2 loads)
Sort clothes put in rooms for tomorrow
Clean out Car
Wash Car
FIND CHARGER!
and Neaten up our room a bit
Tomorrow;
Wash Laundry
Sort
Put away
Clean Living/Dining room
Finish cleaning our room
This week;
all laundry done
call tramco get dishwasher fixed
rasie money for exterminator
have living room and our room clean
This weekend;
Clean kids rooms
Monday, June 8, 2009
Just Another Day in Paradise
So heres is the mental picture for you.
I'm still fully dressed, red eyes that I can hardly keep open listening to the sound of white noise coming from Kaden's baby monitor. On my Left, two kittens scratching at there new cat-house, and on my right against the wall a parade of ants crawling under Keiths jeans along with all the clean clothes I just washed for him that he placed, so thoughtfully, on the floor.
Sooooooo done washing his clothes for him. Most of them are still in the basket because I'm doing bits (itty bity bits) at a time, but that would be the last. I have enough trouble keeping up with mine, and kenzies and kadens.
The house smells that rotten food. There is an old pan sitting on my counter...I'm guessing that is it. I'm basiclly on a strike. As soon as laundry is done and dishes. I'm donnnnnne.
I like to cook, and I love to take care of the kids. I like to be at home but when I'm sharing it with insects and germs I pass.
I clean everyday its not like I dont try. But there are fifty million things to do along with work and the kids. Not to mention I get an average of 5-4 hours of sleep a night on a good night.
I'm just frustrated.
The kids were pretty good today, they still have all their fingers and teeth, they didnt go to the doctor or the ER so I survived another day. :)
I have been singing this song to myself sense Sunday...
The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things
Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise
Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?
Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord
every night
For just another day in paradise
Every bit of that is so so true.
I'm still fully dressed, red eyes that I can hardly keep open listening to the sound of white noise coming from Kaden's baby monitor. On my Left, two kittens scratching at there new cat-house, and on my right against the wall a parade of ants crawling under Keiths jeans along with all the clean clothes I just washed for him that he placed, so thoughtfully, on the floor.
Sooooooo done washing his clothes for him. Most of them are still in the basket because I'm doing bits (itty bity bits) at a time, but that would be the last. I have enough trouble keeping up with mine, and kenzies and kadens.
The house smells that rotten food. There is an old pan sitting on my counter...I'm guessing that is it. I'm basiclly on a strike. As soon as laundry is done and dishes. I'm donnnnnne.
I like to cook, and I love to take care of the kids. I like to be at home but when I'm sharing it with insects and germs I pass.
I clean everyday its not like I dont try. But there are fifty million things to do along with work and the kids. Not to mention I get an average of 5-4 hours of sleep a night on a good night.
I'm just frustrated.
The kids were pretty good today, they still have all their fingers and teeth, they didnt go to the doctor or the ER so I survived another day. :)
I have been singing this song to myself sense Sunday...
The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things
Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise
Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?
Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord
every night
For just another day in paradise
Every bit of that is so so true.
Mess and Madness!
Another bummed out day to follow whats was a busy weekend! I had a weird day friday, it started slow, and I started feeling swamped and frustrated, so I left and it took me 3 hours to find somewhere to go, me and the kids just went to the park to waste time which, it was really hot so it wasnt to much fun to me. So we went to Lindas and hung out, then went to my moms to pick up the ice cream and stayed to see Riley (my nieces) pet rat. The day ended on a good note.
The weekend was much more interesting.
Me and kenzie left to go to the store, we went to chickfli, target, petsmart, and walmart. Then I rushed home and slapped some clothes on to go to Melissas bridal shower. I was more then 2 hours late, so I started crying (yeah I dont know) after that I went to Dinner with Melissa and Caitlin, which seemed to have gone by way to fast, sooooo then we went to Caitlins and hung out by the pool and talked. AFTER THAT, we all went back to my house to picked up the kids for ice cream, which oddly enough, they would not eat (but this is at 8:30 so I'm thinking they were to tired) so back home we went and rented a movie (hes just not that into). They left around 12, then I went to bed.
Sunday, we went to church then came home and I took kenzie to see Up. Which was good, action-packed and scarey to, I think kenzie liked it but didnt understand the sad parts. She told me she doesnt like sad movies because it makes her sad to :( aww
but I cooked Breakfast lunch and dinner, so thats alot of dishes, half of which are still waiting for me at home.
Our dishwasher is still broken, who knows if I will ever be able to get it fixed.
I just dont want to go home, that place is way to overwelming. I planned to wash dishes and laundry today and I really need to put the clothes away, but the dishes takes an hour mininum and the clothes, two hours, and I'm not exsagerating (sp?) I wouldnot mind doing it if the kids were better behaved. And possibly if it could stay clean for longer than 24 hours.
Then of course there are the ants... I dont even need to get into it.
I prayed about this last night. It feels so silly to pray about a clean house. I asked him for modivation, for a good boost Physically, Emtionally, Spirtually, and with my immune systems that lately feels like it will start crashing down.
I may be feeling down and tired lately because I have slumped on my diet for so long.
Most of this is me complaining but I can't help it. I think I need help. I have a day off coming up soon, I think I'm gonna get a sitter.
In the meantime, please pray for my boss, nini, she is recovering from her Bypass surgery. and please pray for my office that we can maintain steady flow and teamwork within the office.
Thanks!
The weekend was much more interesting.
Me and kenzie left to go to the store, we went to chickfli, target, petsmart, and walmart. Then I rushed home and slapped some clothes on to go to Melissas bridal shower. I was more then 2 hours late, so I started crying (yeah I dont know) after that I went to Dinner with Melissa and Caitlin, which seemed to have gone by way to fast, sooooo then we went to Caitlins and hung out by the pool and talked. AFTER THAT, we all went back to my house to picked up the kids for ice cream, which oddly enough, they would not eat (but this is at 8:30 so I'm thinking they were to tired) so back home we went and rented a movie (hes just not that into). They left around 12, then I went to bed.
Sunday, we went to church then came home and I took kenzie to see Up. Which was good, action-packed and scarey to, I think kenzie liked it but didnt understand the sad parts. She told me she doesnt like sad movies because it makes her sad to :( aww
but I cooked Breakfast lunch and dinner, so thats alot of dishes, half of which are still waiting for me at home.
Our dishwasher is still broken, who knows if I will ever be able to get it fixed.
I just dont want to go home, that place is way to overwelming. I planned to wash dishes and laundry today and I really need to put the clothes away, but the dishes takes an hour mininum and the clothes, two hours, and I'm not exsagerating (sp?) I wouldnot mind doing it if the kids were better behaved. And possibly if it could stay clean for longer than 24 hours.
Then of course there are the ants... I dont even need to get into it.
I prayed about this last night. It feels so silly to pray about a clean house. I asked him for modivation, for a good boost Physically, Emtionally, Spirtually, and with my immune systems that lately feels like it will start crashing down.
I may be feeling down and tired lately because I have slumped on my diet for so long.
Most of this is me complaining but I can't help it. I think I need help. I have a day off coming up soon, I think I'm gonna get a sitter.
In the meantime, please pray for my boss, nini, she is recovering from her Bypass surgery. and please pray for my office that we can maintain steady flow and teamwork within the office.
Thanks!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
CHEATED!
Ok so I thought I would reward myself for cleaning the house and order pizza will low and behold my credit card wouldnt go through so I packed the kids up and went to sonic and had me an ice cold coca cola! It was amazing! The kids wanted grill cheese which is sad because I could have gone to the store bought bread and cheese and made like 10 sandwichs for the same price but whatever, they ate it all.
I would have just called papa johns but I am phoneless! It really sucks, its been six days without it and it hasnt shown up yet! I dont have a home phone so I am kind of stuck in the mud on this one.
Kaden is potty training..its an on and off thing. He remembers most of the time to tell me he needs to go when he is wearing a diaper but if he is to busy playing or at the store, forget it. I wish I could ditch the diapers all together but I dont think people would apperciate my son peeing or pooping on their floor every so often.
Well now its time to give the kids a bath and get them to bed, then I'll take a shower and put some clothes away. Hopefully I will actually get some sleep today, Last night Kaden was horrible, then when Keith got home the kittens woke up and went hay-wire. I was getting pretty mad, woke up feeling like poo this morning! last an hour and half of work.
Keith has training for the next two weeks so I HAVE TO be at work EVERYDAY at 6 and I HAVE TO leave at 12. Sooo yeah. That sucks for me sense I have the same work load as a single mother. Its starting to get old!
Ok, time to get ready for bed. I might just ditch the clothes tonight I DESERVE IT! and you know what else? The kids had a bath 7 hours ago and didnt even play outside...I guess I could skip that to?....nah.
NIGHT!
I would have just called papa johns but I am phoneless! It really sucks, its been six days without it and it hasnt shown up yet! I dont have a home phone so I am kind of stuck in the mud on this one.
Kaden is potty training..its an on and off thing. He remembers most of the time to tell me he needs to go when he is wearing a diaper but if he is to busy playing or at the store, forget it. I wish I could ditch the diapers all together but I dont think people would apperciate my son peeing or pooping on their floor every so often.
Well now its time to give the kids a bath and get them to bed, then I'll take a shower and put some clothes away. Hopefully I will actually get some sleep today, Last night Kaden was horrible, then when Keith got home the kittens woke up and went hay-wire. I was getting pretty mad, woke up feeling like poo this morning! last an hour and half of work.
Keith has training for the next two weeks so I HAVE TO be at work EVERYDAY at 6 and I HAVE TO leave at 12. Sooo yeah. That sucks for me sense I have the same work load as a single mother. Its starting to get old!
Ok, time to get ready for bed. I might just ditch the clothes tonight I DESERVE IT! and you know what else? The kids had a bath 7 hours ago and didnt even play outside...I guess I could skip that to?....nah.
NIGHT!
Blessed be your name
Feelin good today..
The kids seem happy. I just fed them and gave them a bath because they smelt funny. Now its nap time and chore time for me! I feel better, modivated. I'm gonna start with the dishes..at least half, then put some more ant infested clothes in the wash, and dump whats left of clean laundry on my bed. I'll probably start cleaning out my ant infested coat closet because mckenzie put the diapers in there on the floor, so I have to go through them and get the ants off so I dont have to buy more. The ants found a dirty sock in there so they have been having a field day.
Oh and I found out they like stinky shoes to, found one in my shoe this morning...the hard way. Lucky though, I figured it out before I put the other one on which by the look of it could have been alot worse.
After the closet I'll most likely go back to dishes then cook. Then laundry, Lets hope I get all the clothes put away tonight!
I want to clean the bathrooms and clean mckenzies room but yeah...for some reason the kids dont like it when I do that so for now its gonna be the basics.
Work today went well for me, I have alot more to do tomorrow but its good knowing I have a to-do list without a computer (I dont have a desk or an assigned computer there, I just float!) Monday, Tues and Wednesday are my busiest days, because I have more then one thing to do and I have a computer. Thursdays and Fridays I sometimes have to find work to do.
Things are a bit different now because my supervisior is out. She had a bypass so she will be out for awhile which makes me super worried!
Keith is training right now...he seems excited. I am to, but nervous! I hope he enjoys it as much as he is hoping to.
I could not believe the joy that overwelmed me last night...I started singing a song from church that popped in my head out of absolutly no where.
"Blessed be the name of the lord
Blessed be your name
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name"
I have been keeping a prayer journal, and I see things I prayed for several weeks ago unravling. Its an awesome feeling.
I feel bad for those who do not have religion, or faith in that matter. I wonder if they get the same joy out of simple blessings, I wonder if they are uplifted in the mist of a struggle..I wonder, boldly, if they feel as grateful when some thing wonderful comes along to look back and apperciate it for the surface that it just is.
I will most likely never know, I would assume that they would most likely be offended and doubt there is a easy way to put such a question.
Now it is time for me to get off my butt...:)
The kids seem happy. I just fed them and gave them a bath because they smelt funny. Now its nap time and chore time for me! I feel better, modivated. I'm gonna start with the dishes..at least half, then put some more ant infested clothes in the wash, and dump whats left of clean laundry on my bed. I'll probably start cleaning out my ant infested coat closet because mckenzie put the diapers in there on the floor, so I have to go through them and get the ants off so I dont have to buy more. The ants found a dirty sock in there so they have been having a field day.
Oh and I found out they like stinky shoes to, found one in my shoe this morning...the hard way. Lucky though, I figured it out before I put the other one on which by the look of it could have been alot worse.
After the closet I'll most likely go back to dishes then cook. Then laundry, Lets hope I get all the clothes put away tonight!
I want to clean the bathrooms and clean mckenzies room but yeah...for some reason the kids dont like it when I do that so for now its gonna be the basics.
Work today went well for me, I have alot more to do tomorrow but its good knowing I have a to-do list without a computer (I dont have a desk or an assigned computer there, I just float!) Monday, Tues and Wednesday are my busiest days, because I have more then one thing to do and I have a computer. Thursdays and Fridays I sometimes have to find work to do.
Things are a bit different now because my supervisior is out. She had a bypass so she will be out for awhile which makes me super worried!
Keith is training right now...he seems excited. I am to, but nervous! I hope he enjoys it as much as he is hoping to.
I could not believe the joy that overwelmed me last night...I started singing a song from church that popped in my head out of absolutly no where.
"Blessed be the name of the lord
Blessed be your name
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name"
I have been keeping a prayer journal, and I see things I prayed for several weeks ago unravling. Its an awesome feeling.
I feel bad for those who do not have religion, or faith in that matter. I wonder if they get the same joy out of simple blessings, I wonder if they are uplifted in the mist of a struggle..I wonder, boldly, if they feel as grateful when some thing wonderful comes along to look back and apperciate it for the surface that it just is.
I will most likely never know, I would assume that they would most likely be offended and doubt there is a easy way to put such a question.
Now it is time for me to get off my butt...:)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Always bored never boring!
Today ended up being a good day, when my mom encorages me to come over I usually have a good time over there. Sometimes I miss it so much I want to stay the night. I have work tomorrow though, so yeah adult life. But we swam and kaden swam by himself with his life jacket on, that boy can paddle like no other!
The kittys are jumpin all over the place as if I have given them cat nip, they found the door stopper.
SOOO Keith called me with fantastic news! He has had his eye out on this opening at the console for months now. Well someone left and there was an opening so he put his name in to his supervisior. They complimented him in a reply email and the next day they spoke with him and his training starts tomorrow!!!
Now before I celebrate and do my happy dance there is a catch. They have already found someone to fill the spot but apperantly that person isnt working out so they are training Keith just in case, but even if in the future a spot opens up he is sure to get it.
Its what he wanted to do and a 6 dollar raise hourly then what he is getting now which is just what we need.
Thanks for your prayers! He hasnt officially got the job yet so keep the prayers comin!
I'll tell you what my life doesnt seem that boring...
The kittys are jumpin all over the place as if I have given them cat nip, they found the door stopper.
SOOO Keith called me with fantastic news! He has had his eye out on this opening at the console for months now. Well someone left and there was an opening so he put his name in to his supervisior. They complimented him in a reply email and the next day they spoke with him and his training starts tomorrow!!!
Now before I celebrate and do my happy dance there is a catch. They have already found someone to fill the spot but apperantly that person isnt working out so they are training Keith just in case, but even if in the future a spot opens up he is sure to get it.
Its what he wanted to do and a 6 dollar raise hourly then what he is getting now which is just what we need.
Thanks for your prayers! He hasnt officially got the job yet so keep the prayers comin!
I'll tell you what my life doesnt seem that boring...
Lazy or Lonely? Or Both?
I dont really understand whats wrong with me. Yesterday was good. Today is boring. But it seems I just keep complaining. I am going to get my kids ready to go to my moms to swim but it seems I'm ALWAYS over there. Why can't I ever seem to just stay home? I have A TON I need to do here, and I know I'll will need to feed the kids dinner and have to come home and cook then clean and its impossible with Kaden crying at my feet. Its like I'm scared of him or something. Like I can't wash my dishes or put away my clothes for the life of me. I'm just plain lazy! I wish Keith were here so he could watch the kids while I clean. Then I could cook him dinner, I know I could do better if I wasnt alone.
Keith said something rude today, not sure if he knew it. I bought some chocolate the other day, when I made a comment about watching what I have been eating he kind of laughed and said 'I'm sure the chocalate isnt on your diet' It hurts that he doesnt notice anything I try to do. I feel like when I finally get to see him I'm not getting satisfied emotionally because of what he doesnt do or what he says...or doesnt say.
So here I am about to go to my moms now, my mom is my friend. No matter what boy trouble I was having it didnt matter because family was outside of all that drama. Now I'm living in it, like I'm trying to run back into time.
So this is my hypothesis, I need a one-time maid or something to watch my kids for entire day. I mean early AM to the late PM. I would like to vaccum and dust and mop. Organize the kids clothes and toys. I wish I had a dishwasher....
Keith said something rude today, not sure if he knew it. I bought some chocolate the other day, when I made a comment about watching what I have been eating he kind of laughed and said 'I'm sure the chocalate isnt on your diet' It hurts that he doesnt notice anything I try to do. I feel like when I finally get to see him I'm not getting satisfied emotionally because of what he doesnt do or what he says...or doesnt say.
So here I am about to go to my moms now, my mom is my friend. No matter what boy trouble I was having it didnt matter because family was outside of all that drama. Now I'm living in it, like I'm trying to run back into time.
So this is my hypothesis, I need a one-time maid or something to watch my kids for entire day. I mean early AM to the late PM. I would like to vaccum and dust and mop. Organize the kids clothes and toys. I wish I had a dishwasher....
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Random Rambling Thoughts
I consider myself an open book. I dont usually hide my feelings, when I'm mad it shows, and I'm sad I'll probably tell you all about it, and good news spreads fast. Blogs are no big deal to me and a serious issue for others. Why post all your personal business on a website? Oh Dont tell people how much debt your in, oh don't talk about your friendship issues.
In my past experience, the only people who remembered to actually check this more then once, are the onces that care to read how I am doing, so I figure why not.
I simply dont live in denial, I have issues, EVERYONE does and they are more then likely the same in some way. I know every one else went through what I have gone through, even they have just want to save face. I am not going to put on a act for anyone. There is no point in that. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am very proud of myself. My kids, and my husband. Damn right I'm gonna brag on it when I get the chance to do that to :)
Tomorrow is a important day. First Court case for Strickland vs Datray. Keith is adopting mckenzie, tomorrow shouldnt have even been schedule but the case was sent to the wrong location so they have a hearing to extend the case. They will be sending Jonathans papers to him sometime in the next week or two. OUR first Court date is July 27th which will be our chance to state our case in front of a judge. Jonathan will recieve his papers, sign and notarize them (if we are lucky) and send them in. The next date will be a swearing in for Keith, and all that official mombo jumbo. The ball is rolling now and nothing is going to stop it. After a year, almost two, of waiting its nearing an end...hopefully. I am hoping this will be over before the end of August. There will be a celebration party when its over. I am so excited to have that day...
I went out to dinner with my mom tonight, it felt great to see them. They came over just because they wanted to, which the company was great. I got some errands done and got alot done at work. I am feeling pretty good tonight...until I glance over at the heep of clean clothes on my bed I still havnt put away. Oh poo.
I have a secret ambition...I wish I could design wedding gowns. Crazy huh? I could never get a steady job with schooling like that but still, I wish I could draw, I wish I had more knowledge about what fabrics work and what doesnt. I could never keep up with seasonal fashion fabs either. Hell, I buy my clothes at wal mart...
Oh, at least I can admire everyone elses designs...
In my past experience, the only people who remembered to actually check this more then once, are the onces that care to read how I am doing, so I figure why not.
I simply dont live in denial, I have issues, EVERYONE does and they are more then likely the same in some way. I know every one else went through what I have gone through, even they have just want to save face. I am not going to put on a act for anyone. There is no point in that. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am very proud of myself. My kids, and my husband. Damn right I'm gonna brag on it when I get the chance to do that to :)
Tomorrow is a important day. First Court case for Strickland vs Datray. Keith is adopting mckenzie, tomorrow shouldnt have even been schedule but the case was sent to the wrong location so they have a hearing to extend the case. They will be sending Jonathans papers to him sometime in the next week or two. OUR first Court date is July 27th which will be our chance to state our case in front of a judge. Jonathan will recieve his papers, sign and notarize them (if we are lucky) and send them in. The next date will be a swearing in for Keith, and all that official mombo jumbo. The ball is rolling now and nothing is going to stop it. After a year, almost two, of waiting its nearing an end...hopefully. I am hoping this will be over before the end of August. There will be a celebration party when its over. I am so excited to have that day...
I went out to dinner with my mom tonight, it felt great to see them. They came over just because they wanted to, which the company was great. I got some errands done and got alot done at work. I am feeling pretty good tonight...until I glance over at the heep of clean clothes on my bed I still havnt put away. Oh poo.
I have a secret ambition...I wish I could design wedding gowns. Crazy huh? I could never get a steady job with schooling like that but still, I wish I could draw, I wish I had more knowledge about what fabrics work and what doesnt. I could never keep up with seasonal fashion fabs either. Hell, I buy my clothes at wal mart...
Oh, at least I can admire everyone elses designs...
Monday, June 1, 2009
Weighing Heavy
I am obviously not the first one to stand up and say 'I'm stressed'
I have felt true stress, and heartbreak and this is not it.
Am I unhappy? Lonely? Am I just being selfish?
I spend money out of boredom, I'm bored because I'm lonely. Keith is a security guard on the night shift, it gets lonely in this house, which I'm sure if I could keep in clean, maybe if it wasnt bug-infested I wouldnt mind hanging out at home.
I have two kids, McKenzie is 4, and Kaden is 2, so Kaden being 2 and a boy, it seems staying at home doing nothing doesnt suit him well either.
So we go out, McDonalds, shopping, a friends house what have you, and I typically spend money, my excuse is, it makes me happy, most likely because I'm lonely. I'm bored because I'm lonely but I dont clean because I'm upset because I'm lonely.
So I'm stressed financially, I knew once we finally moved all the already past due bills would then be turned over by collections, which has yet to happen, but here I am sitting, bored, lonely, upset, waiting. Its like a water balloon holding more water then you thought it could.
I did get two kittens, A striped one who is a boy, and black girl. We havnt named them yet, I thought it might help me, and it has thus far, I am get upset now because I worry about the bugs.
We have ants living in just about every inch of our home. They seem to like dirty clothes and toothpaste. They are in my kids rooms, kitchen, hallway, my room and the bathrooms. Not in the living room or dining room though, just sugarants on te fireplace. Kaden wakes up with bites on him, keith woke up to ants on his face the other day. They even got into the linen closet and made a temporary living quarters in my kids sheets and blankets.
I am hoping this nightmare will come to an end, we just havnt had the money to get rid of them. This house is honestly unlivable and I can't believe I let me kids play around it for so long.
Right now I just need prayers, prayers that we act as wisely as possible with our money and maybe we can continue to get blessings in the form of a good deal.
Anyway, I'm tired of always thinking about it. I can't just ignore it, and one of my bills actually did say "This won't just go away" I just sat there thinking "wow, rude."
Heres my shoutouts
Pray for Laura Shook, our pastors wife and a very sweet lady. She has just found out she has colon cancer. The doctor are still trying to run test to find out how severe it may be.
Pray for my aunt nancy, she needs lots of strenght to not only take care of herself but my grandmother to, which both have cancer.
Pray for my best friend kelly, who is on one of God's personally made rollarcoasters. :)
I have felt true stress, and heartbreak and this is not it.
Am I unhappy? Lonely? Am I just being selfish?
I spend money out of boredom, I'm bored because I'm lonely. Keith is a security guard on the night shift, it gets lonely in this house, which I'm sure if I could keep in clean, maybe if it wasnt bug-infested I wouldnt mind hanging out at home.
I have two kids, McKenzie is 4, and Kaden is 2, so Kaden being 2 and a boy, it seems staying at home doing nothing doesnt suit him well either.
So we go out, McDonalds, shopping, a friends house what have you, and I typically spend money, my excuse is, it makes me happy, most likely because I'm lonely. I'm bored because I'm lonely but I dont clean because I'm upset because I'm lonely.
So I'm stressed financially, I knew once we finally moved all the already past due bills would then be turned over by collections, which has yet to happen, but here I am sitting, bored, lonely, upset, waiting. Its like a water balloon holding more water then you thought it could.
I did get two kittens, A striped one who is a boy, and black girl. We havnt named them yet, I thought it might help me, and it has thus far, I am get upset now because I worry about the bugs.
We have ants living in just about every inch of our home. They seem to like dirty clothes and toothpaste. They are in my kids rooms, kitchen, hallway, my room and the bathrooms. Not in the living room or dining room though, just sugarants on te fireplace. Kaden wakes up with bites on him, keith woke up to ants on his face the other day. They even got into the linen closet and made a temporary living quarters in my kids sheets and blankets.
I am hoping this nightmare will come to an end, we just havnt had the money to get rid of them. This house is honestly unlivable and I can't believe I let me kids play around it for so long.
Right now I just need prayers, prayers that we act as wisely as possible with our money and maybe we can continue to get blessings in the form of a good deal.
Anyway, I'm tired of always thinking about it. I can't just ignore it, and one of my bills actually did say "This won't just go away" I just sat there thinking "wow, rude."
Heres my shoutouts
Pray for Laura Shook, our pastors wife and a very sweet lady. She has just found out she has colon cancer. The doctor are still trying to run test to find out how severe it may be.
Pray for my aunt nancy, she needs lots of strenght to not only take care of herself but my grandmother to, which both have cancer.
Pray for my best friend kelly, who is on one of God's personally made rollarcoasters. :)
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