Oh no! I'm sucha pessitimist! NOT COOL!
I have not felt very up-beat lately, although I'm excited about upcoming events I have not been staying in touch with friends or family, or at least..not keeping them informed.
I AM SO BORED AT MY HOUSE! but I dont leave here either. I have been suffering from migraines and just all over acheyness and I know what it is!
Its a mix between himid weather and me stressing out from work!!!
I use to love work but the past 2 weeks have been horrible! The stress is bogging me down and I havnt even be able to get up as early as I use to, and can't fall asleep at night. I have been wanting to eat more, sleep more, play less. Not to mention I can foresee tons of finincial issues in a few weeks.
The kids have been good, kaden got a haircut today and he looks very handsome. Everything he does is adoreable, but you have to constantly keep him busy or he will whine alot, and once they get a certain age I wont stand for it.
McKenzie...she has been good to. But I cant help but feel bad for her. I feel like she is missing out by not being active enough or being in school. All she wants to do is draw and write and I feel so guilty I can't give her that social and educational fill she needs...I like being crazy busy I just cant seem to 'get up' I just wanna 'give in'
On a brighter note Amandas bachlorette party is tomorrow. I would be thrilled if I wasnt sweating it about money. I promised her so much and I just hope I can pull it off with the little amount that I have.
The wedding is next week and I'm ready for the most part. Just need to bind the bouquets and I'm good to go.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Whew
Ok So I have been busy but also kind of bummed out. I havnt had a good day sense Thursday.
Today was good, one of my friends came over and I dyed her hair, then I has my sister and her fiance over for dinner. I cleaned, but its messy again, so I will probably clean again tomorrow.
Work seems longer and harder. Everyone is more annoying, and I am not usaully annoyed easy. The kids have been ok but not as good as they were. Me and Keith havnt been good either, and although I think thats one sided, I still feel as though I have a reason to be upset with him. I make alot of sense when telling someone how I feel and why, but when I get ready to express to Keith how I feel nothing comes out right. I assume its because its a spontangious anger but its not.
Its not his fault, I dont think he is doing anything wrong I am just either unhappy and upset with him for not noticing or annoyed and he is provoacing it.
I would try to write it out here, but thats to personal so I will keep this one to myself but I am being picky, lets just put it that way.
This weekend is free as far as I know, so I'm going to try and go on a date with my hubby.
BOO for long weeks and stressful weekends.
Today was good, one of my friends came over and I dyed her hair, then I has my sister and her fiance over for dinner. I cleaned, but its messy again, so I will probably clean again tomorrow.
Work seems longer and harder. Everyone is more annoying, and I am not usaully annoyed easy. The kids have been ok but not as good as they were. Me and Keith havnt been good either, and although I think thats one sided, I still feel as though I have a reason to be upset with him. I make alot of sense when telling someone how I feel and why, but when I get ready to express to Keith how I feel nothing comes out right. I assume its because its a spontangious anger but its not.
Its not his fault, I dont think he is doing anything wrong I am just either unhappy and upset with him for not noticing or annoyed and he is provoacing it.
I would try to write it out here, but thats to personal so I will keep this one to myself but I am being picky, lets just put it that way.
This weekend is free as far as I know, so I'm going to try and go on a date with my hubby.
BOO for long weeks and stressful weekends.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Busy Mama Bee at it again
Hidy Ho!
Dont worry I'm not dead! Just busy!
Got the girls dresses, got my dress, and amanda got her dress. Were in the middle of getting them tailored.
This wedding planning thing got insane fast! I decided its no longer fun, I am I looking forward to the occasion though.
There is still a ton to do and I am now planning the wedding shower this weekend. Tomorrow I have a long day of work followed by (hopefully) dinner. Friday my bestie is coming into town and were hanging out! I need her so much! I miss Sarah, definalty one of my favorite people in the world! Saturday I have two birthday partys to take Kenzie to then Sunday is the shower.
I babysat Karly yesterday and today, she was perfect, such an angel! And my kids had someone to play with so they stayed outta my hair so I cleaned, it was awesome!
I have a big day of work tomorrow and I'm actually excited. I have no work already planned out so maybe I will learn something new. I have 9 hours of work tomorrow and no desk so I will be running around which sounds like a good change of pace.
I dont know what to write other then its was a really crazy week/weekend last weekend and its looking like a crazy weekend this weekend to, LOVIN IT! I found I am most happy when I am crazy busy. I HATE sitting at home, it drives me crazy.
Speaking of drives me crazy, I'm frustrated...
but thats another issue for another day.
P.s. Someone returned my wallet
Dont worry I'm not dead! Just busy!
Got the girls dresses, got my dress, and amanda got her dress. Were in the middle of getting them tailored.
This wedding planning thing got insane fast! I decided its no longer fun, I am I looking forward to the occasion though.
There is still a ton to do and I am now planning the wedding shower this weekend. Tomorrow I have a long day of work followed by (hopefully) dinner. Friday my bestie is coming into town and were hanging out! I need her so much! I miss Sarah, definalty one of my favorite people in the world! Saturday I have two birthday partys to take Kenzie to then Sunday is the shower.
I babysat Karly yesterday and today, she was perfect, such an angel! And my kids had someone to play with so they stayed outta my hair so I cleaned, it was awesome!
I have a big day of work tomorrow and I'm actually excited. I have no work already planned out so maybe I will learn something new. I have 9 hours of work tomorrow and no desk so I will be running around which sounds like a good change of pace.
I dont know what to write other then its was a really crazy week/weekend last weekend and its looking like a crazy weekend this weekend to, LOVIN IT! I found I am most happy when I am crazy busy. I HATE sitting at home, it drives me crazy.
Speaking of drives me crazy, I'm frustrated...
but thats another issue for another day.
P.s. Someone returned my wallet
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The cup hath runth over!
I swear my head would roll right off my shoulders if it wasnt attached by my neck.
I 'lost' my wallet two weeks ago, it has my liscense, my old social security card, an old debit card, and two credits cards in it. Basically everything. S@#$%%&&%^%##
I have my debit card,
I got a new liscense on the way,
and I have my social security card,
but still. What a pain in the butt!!!!
And the worst part is amandas bachlorette party is in 16 days and I cant go because I dont have an ID! GOSH DARNIT! (that was completely filtered)
My wallet wasnt lost, it was 'misplaced' by me and my friend while gathering the stuff in the car after a trip to the mall. I think it may have gotten placed on top of my car while we were leaving.
GGRRRR
My house is such a wreck...kitty litter needs to be cleaned, bathrooms, clothes. My living room looks like a tornado went through it. Keith was nice enough to do the dishes today so at least thats one less thing on my already full plate but its so darn hot in the house to do anything!
I take comfort in the fact I dont have to entertain any one. My house keeping skills might suck for now but at least now one has proof. lol
Well, such an excited year. My cousin is moving to houston and having a baby, my best friend and sister are getting married, even an old friend is getting married this year, also my neighbor is expected...
cant help but feel jealous. I was looking at maturnity clothes the other day and every bit of me was screaming "buy that extremely adoreable looking shirt thats half off! Thats called planning ahead!" It looked so cute on the manikin...I wanted to rub its belly and steal its shirt...how horrible.
I want a little girl, I want another little girl so bad. Most of me has decided not to do anything stupid til October, then the shettles method after getting my IUD removed should buy us a few months, that sounds good to me but at the same time when am I going to go back to school? What if Keith really doesnt want any more kids? Will Kaden be grown up enough by then?
Its something I want, but sense I am older with two kids and a tipsy topsy marriage and finincial situations I'm seriously doubting its a good idea to have any more at all.
I have an idea in my head how I want everything, and its all very practical. I want to expect it, I want Keith to expect it, I want Keith to want it (highly unlikely). I want tears of Joy and nothing else. I want to plan together and decorate together...I want two normal, mutually happy parents for my next child, I'm not sure it that will ever happen, and I really just want to know the truth now so I can go back to school, or get this 'cosmetic surgery' done (long story but nothing I cant do til I am done having kids).
Ok its bath time, then I have to put away clothes and get ready for work tomorrow.
I 'lost' my wallet two weeks ago, it has my liscense, my old social security card, an old debit card, and two credits cards in it. Basically everything. S@#$%%&&%^%##
I have my debit card,
I got a new liscense on the way,
and I have my social security card,
but still. What a pain in the butt!!!!
And the worst part is amandas bachlorette party is in 16 days and I cant go because I dont have an ID! GOSH DARNIT! (that was completely filtered)
My wallet wasnt lost, it was 'misplaced' by me and my friend while gathering the stuff in the car after a trip to the mall. I think it may have gotten placed on top of my car while we were leaving.
GGRRRR
My house is such a wreck...kitty litter needs to be cleaned, bathrooms, clothes. My living room looks like a tornado went through it. Keith was nice enough to do the dishes today so at least thats one less thing on my already full plate but its so darn hot in the house to do anything!
I take comfort in the fact I dont have to entertain any one. My house keeping skills might suck for now but at least now one has proof. lol
Well, such an excited year. My cousin is moving to houston and having a baby, my best friend and sister are getting married, even an old friend is getting married this year, also my neighbor is expected...
cant help but feel jealous. I was looking at maturnity clothes the other day and every bit of me was screaming "buy that extremely adoreable looking shirt thats half off! Thats called planning ahead!" It looked so cute on the manikin...I wanted to rub its belly and steal its shirt...how horrible.
I want a little girl, I want another little girl so bad. Most of me has decided not to do anything stupid til October, then the shettles method after getting my IUD removed should buy us a few months, that sounds good to me but at the same time when am I going to go back to school? What if Keith really doesnt want any more kids? Will Kaden be grown up enough by then?
Its something I want, but sense I am older with two kids and a tipsy topsy marriage and finincial situations I'm seriously doubting its a good idea to have any more at all.
I have an idea in my head how I want everything, and its all very practical. I want to expect it, I want Keith to expect it, I want Keith to want it (highly unlikely). I want tears of Joy and nothing else. I want to plan together and decorate together...I want two normal, mutually happy parents for my next child, I'm not sure it that will ever happen, and I really just want to know the truth now so I can go back to school, or get this 'cosmetic surgery' done (long story but nothing I cant do til I am done having kids).
Ok its bath time, then I have to put away clothes and get ready for work tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Confused
Wishes start simple, in the beginning
Things you long for, are the things you don’t have
…but still, a simple kiss would be just enough..
...Just enough to get you through a day…
Then for granted we take the things we have now
The things we didn’t have in the beginning
…but a simple kiss would have been just enough..
..just enough to get me through today….
Now we long for how simple these things were in the beginning,
Now, When we don’t have them at all in the end.
Things you long for, are the things you don’t have
…but still, a simple kiss would be just enough..
...Just enough to get you through a day…
Then for granted we take the things we have now
The things we didn’t have in the beginning
…but a simple kiss would have been just enough..
..just enough to get me through today….
Now we long for how simple these things were in the beginning,
Now, When we don’t have them at all in the end.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
My Bad Day and Pondering Thoughts
I'm Pesstimistic today.
No really. I am.
Annoyed and considering running away for a bit to a lavish dark hotel with a huge bubble bath and unlimited hot water.
All I want to do is roll and whine around in bed!
I left work early today because I couldnt stop puking, and even when I did I couldnt shake the urge to throw up, which, its one thing to get sick and feel better, its another to have a constant nagging urge. So I came home early from work and slept at least 2 hours! From 12-2 and now its 10:30pm and I still feel sick.
After Keith left for work today I decided to skip Kadens nap and take the kids to my moms (maybe I could lay on there couch) but as I was on my way I called and no one was home, I turned back to go to michaels only to find that michaels was not there, instead it was hobby lobby. So I stopped at walgreens bought shampoo, deodorant (this is all vidal info) and a pregnancy test. Then went home, put kaden to put and took the test, which was negotivo. Awesome.
So now what? I have a stomach bug? ah I dunno.
After kaden woke up we went to Burlington, which has got to be my biggest obsession when it comes to retail therpy. I bought Kaden his ADOREABLE tux for the wedding and I think its the PERFECT blue but i have to get amandas seal of approval on it before I get all 'Yeah, I kick ass' about it.
I have to drive to Katy to get the girls dresses, and I'm driving to conroe this weekend for my dress. I'm tired just thinking about it.
So, tonight I started thinking...I realize that I could be a very helpful friend to have around if I won the lottery. All I ever want to do it save people, and til recently this was my biggest down fall, dealing with a realization that it was actually physically and emotionally impossible to save the world from debt or grief...but kudos for trying right?
There is one thing per friend I wish I could give them,
- A job
- A baby
- A car
- A place to live
- About 10,000 to get out of debt
and of course I really want to buy my parents a car. There truck is turning into a peice of scrap metal and thats the only real vechile they have. But they are to busy raising grand babies and paying for weddings and buying other people cars to bother themselves with their own needs. Maybe thats where I get it from?
I just hope all these people know how much I care.
No really. I am.
Annoyed and considering running away for a bit to a lavish dark hotel with a huge bubble bath and unlimited hot water.
All I want to do is roll and whine around in bed!
I left work early today because I couldnt stop puking, and even when I did I couldnt shake the urge to throw up, which, its one thing to get sick and feel better, its another to have a constant nagging urge. So I came home early from work and slept at least 2 hours! From 12-2 and now its 10:30pm and I still feel sick.
After Keith left for work today I decided to skip Kadens nap and take the kids to my moms (maybe I could lay on there couch) but as I was on my way I called and no one was home, I turned back to go to michaels only to find that michaels was not there, instead it was hobby lobby. So I stopped at walgreens bought shampoo, deodorant (this is all vidal info) and a pregnancy test. Then went home, put kaden to put and took the test, which was negotivo. Awesome.
So now what? I have a stomach bug? ah I dunno.
After kaden woke up we went to Burlington, which has got to be my biggest obsession when it comes to retail therpy. I bought Kaden his ADOREABLE tux for the wedding and I think its the PERFECT blue but i have to get amandas seal of approval on it before I get all 'Yeah, I kick ass' about it.
I have to drive to Katy to get the girls dresses, and I'm driving to conroe this weekend for my dress. I'm tired just thinking about it.
So, tonight I started thinking...I realize that I could be a very helpful friend to have around if I won the lottery. All I ever want to do it save people, and til recently this was my biggest down fall, dealing with a realization that it was actually physically and emotionally impossible to save the world from debt or grief...but kudos for trying right?
There is one thing per friend I wish I could give them,
- A job
- A baby
- A car
- A place to live
- About 10,000 to get out of debt
and of course I really want to buy my parents a car. There truck is turning into a peice of scrap metal and thats the only real vechile they have. But they are to busy raising grand babies and paying for weddings and buying other people cars to bother themselves with their own needs. Maybe thats where I get it from?
I just hope all these people know how much I care.
Monday, July 6, 2009
I'm late I'm late for a very important date!
No time to say hello goodbye I'm Late I'm Late I'm Late!
So I have been one busy little mama bee this weekend and now I'm at it again, I had 10 hours of work today, got 9 hours coming at me tomorrow and 6 wednesday. This weekend is mostly devoted to wedding planning.
My sister is finally tying the knot! Definelty a great guy, mike! I worry sometimes that she will chew him up and spit him out, lol, jk! He can hold his own just fine, I happen to think they are perfect for one another.
So I am maid of honor and wedding planner sidekick. The wedding is in 32 days!
I picked out the invitations and I am buying them wednesday, I'm going to start looking at flowers to for the bouqiets, looking at flower girl dresses on thursday, addressing invites friday & saturday, bridesmaid dress shopping on sunday and organizing the wedding shower in two weeks. Then the bachlorette party is the week before the wedding.
Mckenzie and Riley are flowergirls, they could not be more thrilled.
It takes me back to when I had to do all this! Its kind of fun though. Its fun when it not your wedding to stress about lol!!!
I pulled out my wedding dress the other day, its a shame I cant do a darn thing with it!
Work was good today, I got off at 4, went to the store came home and cooked, ate dinner, keith went to work, kids played well, bath, bed and now ahhh silence.
About to go to bed to start over.
There is so much to look forward to. God has really been good to me.
So I have been one busy little mama bee this weekend and now I'm at it again, I had 10 hours of work today, got 9 hours coming at me tomorrow and 6 wednesday. This weekend is mostly devoted to wedding planning.
My sister is finally tying the knot! Definelty a great guy, mike! I worry sometimes that she will chew him up and spit him out, lol, jk! He can hold his own just fine, I happen to think they are perfect for one another.
So I am maid of honor and wedding planner sidekick. The wedding is in 32 days!
I picked out the invitations and I am buying them wednesday, I'm going to start looking at flowers to for the bouqiets, looking at flower girl dresses on thursday, addressing invites friday & saturday, bridesmaid dress shopping on sunday and organizing the wedding shower in two weeks. Then the bachlorette party is the week before the wedding.
Mckenzie and Riley are flowergirls, they could not be more thrilled.
It takes me back to when I had to do all this! Its kind of fun though. Its fun when it not your wedding to stress about lol!!!
I pulled out my wedding dress the other day, its a shame I cant do a darn thing with it!
Work was good today, I got off at 4, went to the store came home and cooked, ate dinner, keith went to work, kids played well, bath, bed and now ahhh silence.
About to go to bed to start over.
There is so much to look forward to. God has really been good to me.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
FINALLY!
I stopped tracking my weight loss. My tummy has gotten a bit thinner and I can button my pants again, so if I can somehow make time to get active and excersize I think I should be fine.
I finally feel good, I feel attractive, I feel confident and its amazing how that has changed the way my day goes. My hair looks good, my face has cleared up, and if I can just buy some pants that doesnt have any holes in it that would be nice, maybe a pair of AMAZING pants, the kind that looks painted on but really are quiet comfy :) Yeah those.
Sense I am working more hours I should treat myself, one shirt a week. Every friday can be shirt day! hehe
I am SO TIRED! This weekend (Thurs-Sun) has been nothing but drinking and food! I went to bed at 4am last night and woke up at 7:30 for church and volunteering with a major headache caused by 4 beers and 2 marigritas. So I CANNOT wait for bedtime! Theres nothing to drink here but beer (i need to go to the store) so guess what I had with dinner? Yeah..silly.
Keith is outside with the kids poppin fireworks :) Cute.
WHAT A CRAZY WEEKEND!
I am sooooo happy.
I finally feel good, I feel attractive, I feel confident and its amazing how that has changed the way my day goes. My hair looks good, my face has cleared up, and if I can just buy some pants that doesnt have any holes in it that would be nice, maybe a pair of AMAZING pants, the kind that looks painted on but really are quiet comfy :) Yeah those.
Sense I am working more hours I should treat myself, one shirt a week. Every friday can be shirt day! hehe
I am SO TIRED! This weekend (Thurs-Sun) has been nothing but drinking and food! I went to bed at 4am last night and woke up at 7:30 for church and volunteering with a major headache caused by 4 beers and 2 marigritas. So I CANNOT wait for bedtime! Theres nothing to drink here but beer (i need to go to the store) so guess what I had with dinner? Yeah..silly.
Keith is outside with the kids poppin fireworks :) Cute.
WHAT A CRAZY WEEKEND!
I am sooooo happy.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Weekend Plans
Turned out to be a pretty good weekend so far.
The bachlorette party went ok, is was short but fun, didnt take any pictures or drink, me and robyn and shanel did go eat and hang out afterward. It was a nice social.
After work yesterday I got my hair cut, my friend dyed it and we all hung out at the mall, us and 5 kids. But they were actually really good, all five of them. Stuff like that never happens. not really. and I was blissful to be around them. I bought a dress for my friends wedding today (its outside, 4th july @ 5pm, I needed a cotton dress!) Work yesterday went by super fast to and I feel sooo relieved to know that when I get to work I wont have a huge load on my desk with a due date. After the wedding I'm not sure what my plans are, me and Keith have a all-night sitter so its our night for whatever, perty-cool!
Tomorrow is Sunday, me and Shanel are doing a photoshoot for her portfilo, bridal & boudior!
So its a good weekend, and I am excited for monday to, needless to say, I'm happy.
The bachlorette party went ok, is was short but fun, didnt take any pictures or drink, me and robyn and shanel did go eat and hang out afterward. It was a nice social.
After work yesterday I got my hair cut, my friend dyed it and we all hung out at the mall, us and 5 kids. But they were actually really good, all five of them. Stuff like that never happens. not really. and I was blissful to be around them. I bought a dress for my friends wedding today (its outside, 4th july @ 5pm, I needed a cotton dress!) Work yesterday went by super fast to and I feel sooo relieved to know that when I get to work I wont have a huge load on my desk with a due date. After the wedding I'm not sure what my plans are, me and Keith have a all-night sitter so its our night for whatever, perty-cool!
Tomorrow is Sunday, me and Shanel are doing a photoshoot for her portfilo, bridal & boudior!
So its a good weekend, and I am excited for monday to, needless to say, I'm happy.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Today, Tonight, Ugh Tomorrow
Today is Brookes Birthday..
Happy 5th Bday Brookie..
If you dont know who Brooke is, she just so happens to be McKenzie's Half-sister and one of the cutest things on this planet. I miss her.
Mckenzie is convinced that were going to be bringing Brooke a present to church, but truth is I am terrified to do that, and it might need some stragey. Things with that family is so weird! (Long story)
ANYWAY
I am listening to an advertisment on the radio sitting on my slightly ichy carpet (sense we have been to lazy to move the desk) not yet dress for tonight and really no clue how to go about it, hungry and kind of bored (knowing that I could be productive right now) so BBLLAAHH
Tonight and one of my friends bachlorette party. Its at a little bar where lots of her co-workers are, but its tonight (yeah a thursday) and I have to work tomorrow! So I'm dropping the kids off with my sister, then when I come back at 11 I have to wake them up and take them home, thats gonna suck! Then get up at 5am and go to work. PLUS Were trying to figure out driving arrangments. I dont wanna use my friend for her car to drive and drop off other people afterwards because I will have to take the kids home.
Boo
Anyway, today was just ok. Started great then my mom bailed on babysitting tonight so I got a bit upset then my butt got kicked in gear with the realization that I have A TON OF work to do before my boss comes back Monday not to mention the catch-up work she is going to give me.
I am only hope for energy and optimism!
Ok I am going to go pick out an outfit and get stuff together for the kids.
I'll post pictures ASAP.
Chow
Happy 5th Bday Brookie..
If you dont know who Brooke is, she just so happens to be McKenzie's Half-sister and one of the cutest things on this planet. I miss her.
Mckenzie is convinced that were going to be bringing Brooke a present to church, but truth is I am terrified to do that, and it might need some stragey. Things with that family is so weird! (Long story)
ANYWAY
I am listening to an advertisment on the radio sitting on my slightly ichy carpet (sense we have been to lazy to move the desk) not yet dress for tonight and really no clue how to go about it, hungry and kind of bored (knowing that I could be productive right now) so BBLLAAHH
Tonight and one of my friends bachlorette party. Its at a little bar where lots of her co-workers are, but its tonight (yeah a thursday) and I have to work tomorrow! So I'm dropping the kids off with my sister, then when I come back at 11 I have to wake them up and take them home, thats gonna suck! Then get up at 5am and go to work. PLUS Were trying to figure out driving arrangments. I dont wanna use my friend for her car to drive and drop off other people afterwards because I will have to take the kids home.
Boo
Anyway, today was just ok. Started great then my mom bailed on babysitting tonight so I got a bit upset then my butt got kicked in gear with the realization that I have A TON OF work to do before my boss comes back Monday not to mention the catch-up work she is going to give me.
I am only hope for energy and optimism!
Ok I am going to go pick out an outfit and get stuff together for the kids.
I'll post pictures ASAP.
Chow
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